Well, I think you have to have been something significant before you can be called a has-been, but I think you can safely refer to my acting career as a has-been career… a rather insignificant one by most standards, but a stand-out time in my life nonetheless.
You see, there were days, at the beginning of this millennium, when I used to be considered ‘recognisable’. I was regularly on TV for a year (every night in fact) and was part of a small weekly chat show/info-mercial/cheesy commercial thing that, to some, made me worth staring at in the streets and pointing at in bars. It was nothing special, but fabulously well paid.
To some, it made me cool enough to invite to their functions, and to some, I was suddenly considered good enough to introduce to their friends. I’m not going to share details about what I was in, but let’s just say, um, I’ve lost a lot of weight since then.
Yep, I was that fat guy on TV. In fact, I was showing FJ (I think) the videos recently and couldn’t believe how huge my jowls were. In fact, it looked like my cheeks were stuffed with little children. Really fat little children. In reality, I’ve only lost about 5 kilos since my TV days, but I think that four of them were on my cheeks.
Since those days, I (along with my acting career) have faded into obscurity. For many years I was involved in the film industry (behind the scenes though) and became the person who made other people famous and actually really enjoyed that more than being stopped in the street by some person wanting to announce that they recognised me.
Gradually I went from being greeted, to being asked if I used to be on TV, to the stage that I sometimes still get… “I’m sure I know you from somewhere”. And no matter how much I assure the person that I have never met them, they are convinced that they have met me before. That’s starting to lessen now though. Especially since my cheeks decided to move to my stomach and join the fat residence there.
So, I’m certainly not used to the spotlight… anymore.
Recently I moved back into magazines (which I used to work on before my TV stint) and as a result get invited to many, many launches where I get fabulous goodie bags and show the shoes off in the hope that I give a client editorial. At these events I see everyone else being stopped to have their photo taken, and I stand smiling, hoping that I too will be picked and also have a really bad picture of me after a glass too many on the back of some newspaper being read on the loo.
Alas, it never seems to happen. Even when I’m wearing the shoes.!!!
I thought it may happen when I sat next to an ex-Miss South Africa’s boob (those things should have a licence) but I was cropped out and only my shoulder made the grade.
But now… It’s finally happened.
I’ve graced the pages of a local mag and don’t actually look that bad (I had just arrived so hadn’t drunk myself pretty or confident yet).
I’m finally a socialite. On the social pages.
Soon I’ll be friends with Edith Venter and also wear curtain fabric dresses to fancy soirees that Gwen Gill writes about.