Month: April 2010

Gay wedding Checklist 2

Three days before the wedding:

  1. Make sure you’re as nervous as hell and so excited you could just scream. CHECK
  2. Be sure to have as many arguments with your spouse to be about random things like the colour of the flowers on the table and the order of the first three songs. CHECK
  3. Be devastated that you’ve forgot to go to the tan-can so you look deliciously Mediterranean. CHECK
  4. Start stressing about things like speeches, time-keeping and how you stop the father from passing out when you kiss. CHECK
  5. Try to recover from a rather boozy bachelors (that could probably be best described as a hen party). CHECK
  6. Try to ignore the flashbacks from your hen party. Of course you weren’t running around with a blonde wig, black angel wings and a penis wand for all to admire. CHECK
  7. No man, you never put the penis wand in your mouth. Not once, okay. CHECK
  8. Try to manage a magazine going to print, studies, planning a wedding, not eating so you look skinny for the wedding, delirium from the not eating, planning a honeymoon to Madagascar and normal day-to-day life while you appear glamorous and in control to all who ask. CHECK
  9. Start thinking of all the things you want to say about your gorgeous spouse-to-be and fall in love with him all over again. CHECK
  10. Tell everyone you can that you’ll be island-hopping through Madagascar in a week’s time to anyone who will listen. CHECK
  11. Scream two more sleeps at the start of every conversation. CHECK!
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New job and a wedding…

I started my new job a couple of weeks ago. I’m not sure if the silence on my blog is due to the fact that I have been completely overwhelmed for the last two weeks or that the company I work for block every single site that may tempt you to communicate with anyone but your colleagues. The new job is great though – I’m loving the fresh stimulation of new programmes and people – but incredibly busy. It’s a huge monthly magazine and a completely different style and target market than what I’m used to. And it’s all done on a computer programme I’m not completely familiar with…

And, yes, they block facebook, twitter and oddly enough, gmail. That means I can’t sign into my blog. It blocks the sign in section. So damn clever, these IT-types, but so strange for a publishing house. Oh well, I’ll have to get into a new routine with posting.

Now onto the good stuff.

I get married in two weeks today! Yep, it’s finally around the corner. Two weeks and counting down to the day my dad sees me kiss a man.

that’s probably the thing that’s concernng me the most. The people coming to the wedding obviously have no problem with the fact that we’re boys in love (or else they wouldn’t be there – I hope) but that doesn’t mean they’re ready to watch us kiss. A friend or two have even expressed concern at it. Being fine with being gay doesn’t mean they’re ready to see us in action. Ahem.

So what should we do?

As the minister declares: “You may now kiss your groom,” do we have a quick pause and flash up a PG sign? Do I turn to my dad with an apologetic look before tonguing my man.

Ew.

Can’t believe I typed that, I would never do that. Does it mean that Fj and i do the quickest peck known to mankind? Will we be the first couple to hug instead of kiss. Or should we just shake hands while we sheepishly wish we could kiss and smile at the onlookers, clapping in relief?

Or do we throw caution to the wind and let people deal with their own fears and perceptions of what’s normal. After all, they haven’t eaten yet so we may only hear dry heaves.

Can you tell I’ve been stewing on this?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyywwaaaaaayyyyy..

The wedding is full steam ahead. Outfits ready – check! Big phallic candle for the centre of the ceremony – check! Medic (for the father’s possible passing out in horror) on standby – check! Fabulous food and wine – check! Abba – check! Madonna – check!

All too exciting… let the countdown begin!